While I Still Get To Live

Rewatching clips from The Jackass Movies, thinking about how Ryan Dunn is dead in every single stunt.

A close childhood friend of mine died of unknown cause after giving birth to her second child. My father died leukemia, blood cancer. I try to trace all of his advices he had sent to me. I've saved some as it's all I have left of him.

If I didn't write journal/ blog and I die, in 200 years passes and there is no living memory of me at all. Will I have existed?

I am looking somebody's Facebook profile who is dead. Reading their last status update over and over again. I consider to delete all my dead facebook friends because they're not real people anymore.

Well when you die you probably cease to exist, making everything you've ever done entirely meaningless, dying now or in a thousand years has the same result; non-existence so that you are nothing and experience nothing.

It's like "if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
The answer is yes, you will have existed and that particular tree made quite the loud bang.

Does anybody ever get the feeling that they are going to live a long miserable life, maybe with some horrible health issues that won't actually kill you?

Better and Improved

Come back when you truly know that frustration. Self-betterment means being better than yourself not other people. But even in a competition, everyone knows they are at a disadvantage in some way. Everyone knows Usain Bolt is the fastest runner in the world, but what about the guy finishing in 2nd or 3rd? Doesn't mean Usain was the only one running because everyone else quit. A shitload of no names ran more than you ever have in your life just to watch some dude get a medal. And those runner-ups are still running.

Now about self-improvement, real self-improvement involves bettering yourself, not your ego. Is your goal to be better than other people or than yourself? If it's the first, join a fucking competition so you can have the numbers to prove it instead of your own ego. If it's the second, then what's the big deal? The only other guy in the ring is you. The only one running on the track is you, not some dude whose ancestors ran their whole lives. Why are you feeling bad for someone else's accomplishments when you've been striving to beat yourself all this time?

The only time you ever lose against yourself is when you throw in the towel. shit's the hardest fight there is, man. Because it never stops. There is no bell ring, no finish line. It's only over when you die.

Still hurts: A slap in the face

written on 11th April 

Just break up with me. 

Don't need to give me a reason. I will dwell on that. It's better to know that she doesn't want to be in a relationship... as far as I know. 

How does she could tell a guy she's been dating for three months he's boring? She's gotten to know him, and she don't like what she's found. The person she met isn't the person she now knows. So how could she tell me that I'm boring and dump me? She doesn't directly telling me that I am boring her. I get to know about it from friend of a friend on my birthday last March. She only say that I haven't felt the right kind of chemistry with her (and obviously that she's going to jump back into the dating pool). Knowing that, I just want to dump her, and not be an asshole about it. 

If I am in her position, I'd likely not let her know it's because she's boring. Unlike what she did to me, I'd make up anything else not telling anyone and that's the nicest possible way. Just tell her I don't feel chemistry, not ready for a relationship. Try doing fun things that I think are exciting and invite her. If they aren't fun then just stop calling her. 

 It would be incredibly haughty to declare myself interesting, but I'd like to think I've outgrown utter vapidness, which still permeates most of youth culture. I think she may be taking things the wrong way - what I meant is that, I cannot properly engage with said people in "intellectual" conversation as they have nothing to offer. One could argue that truly interesting people make the activity, regardless of what it is, interesting simply because they are there. I've had a blast doing "boring" things with people that would have been way less fun with anyone else. Some people are just naturally fun to be around.

Part of moving on: 

Some girls are boring, some are not. All girls are boring eventually, this is no surprise to me. The only somewhat interesting girls are so fucking infatuated with their own rarity that the pleasant qualities don't even fucking matter. That may be my potential idiocy doesn't make girls any more interesting. I'm old enough. 

Might a typical guy have something going on when the typical girl says she's doing "nothing, bored, everything sucks?" Sure. But that something is probably video games or eating at a friend's house and fuck all else. Young men and women are boring as hell. And yes, the few who aren't really do obsess over lifestyle over substance.Teenagers or young adults simply aren't interesting; it just so happens that more often than not, girls haven't had the need to develop a fucking personality by that point. The degree of severity and frequency of completely hollow youngsters seems to be higher on the females' side. 

I wouldn't say things are objectively interesting, stimulating or challenging by the mere virtue of there being someone to think so. That is, unless someone can make those topics more than their face value, which leads me to another facet to this is what's being said, holding up a conversation, contributing original thought, providing insight and information. Whatever the subject if an individual can take a subject and truly offer stimulating ideas about them, then it's interesting. Most youngsters don't have that sort of cognitive capability. 

What is boring and vapid to you is not boring and vapid to them. You are likely just as boring as the people you are thinking about.

We are living in the greatest time in the history of humanity. Why are we so miserable? (Part I)

We have the best technology, the best medicine, convenience up the ass. I could pull up any kind of information I want in seconds. I can communicate with people across the world effortlessly. And that is the tip of the iceborg. We live in an age where time is measured in seconds and minutes. Whereas before, a lot of the simple shit we do every day would take hours, days, months, or even years. 

Technological innovation is not similiar to enjoyable lifestyle, overwhelming modernization, online addiction, and depersonalization does not make for a good era. Because we are still bound by instincts we must attempt to control in order to live in society, and no amount of technology can ever change that.

We just moved up a slot on maslow's hierarchy of needs, we don't have to worry about acquiring food anymore, so now we wring our hands about how no one loves us. I wonder what humanity's like when we reach the top of the pyramid and we decide to become a part of something bigger than us. and yet, we're just a single mistake away from collapse. If we could only reciprocate that for every country in the world, and have no immigration/intermarriage anywhere, we would be living in a utopia.

Fucking widgets how do they work?

When a machine is turned on, it initially produces widgets at an average rate of 120 widgets per hour. If after every 10 minutes the machine's average rate of production increases by 10 widgets per hour, how many widgets will be produced in the fourth 10-minute period after the machine is turned on?

A

Just add 10 widgets to the machine's rate of production for every 10 minutes that is turned on. If the machine produces widgets at an average rate of 120 per hour in the first 10- minute period, it will produce 130 widgets per hour in the second period, 140 widgets per hour in the third period, and 150 widgets per hour in the fourth period. At a rate of 150 per hour, how many widgets will the machine produce in 10 minutes? There are 60 minutes in an hour, there are six ten-minute periods in an hour. Each ten-minute is equal to one-sixth of an hour, so the machine will produce one-sixth of its hourly rate in 10 minutes:

(1/6) x 150 = 25 widgets.

Does anyone else make goals for a lonely vacation?

It is quite amazing. When you wanted to do something but you forgot what exactly, you just have to repeat the actions that led to your thought. If you were reading a specific sentence in a book for example, all you have to do is re-read the sentence within 15 minutes (arbitary value, but not too far away in time) and your thoughts will most likely bounce back. It only seems to work when you feel you`re close to remembering without being able to.