Paying for a relationship

You often hear of people going to a coffee place and the woman having a nice time and all with some guy, but often it's the guy that going over to pay for the drinks rather than the woman. Which makes dating often feel like a chore for the guy, rather than a treat which it usually is for the woman. So women don't think of how to make a night be nice for the guy, while being with the guy. Instead I hear of a lot of women that think of the way to make a nice night for a guy be just letting him do his own thing, which seems counter to my concept of what a relationship should be.

It's why a lot of "nice guys" that women want to be with, generally will feel like not bothering to get with a woman, since it can just mean a whole lot of courting that is really just a way for the woman to have fun on the town at someone else' expense. Maybe I am too young to really have dealt with this kind of stuff to really know how most adults function.

Do you think women have it harder than men? I mean it's easier for women to get in relationships, but look at what happens when they get put in the same situation as men. Girls with an attractiveness level equal to that of guys are automatically placed in higher leagues. It's a social thing. I'm not so sure why girls are more social, perhaps because society has been bent so that even the fattest of the fat of girls think they're pretty.

A gay friend said that straight women have it easier than straight guys, at least in todays society. Things like pay are basically the same for men and women now when they do equal work, so the only thing that really is special to being either sex is relationships, and women have the easier role in relationships since they are the one sought after rather than the one doing the seeking. Women in general have just the easiest possible life, in regards to relationships. But many get stuck thinking of themselves as ultra-special and wonderful, and want to be waited on which just makes guys get tired or frustrated as they try to placate women's desires to be independent and waited on at the same time. How often do you hear about a woman going out and buying a guy a coffee? Or getting a pizza and bringing it by a guy's place to hang out?

Women can be a bit odd about this stuff. I'd really love to hear about a woman that is desperate for a nice boyfriend, that actually goes out of her way to do something nice for guys on a regular basis. Because I really can't believe it ever happens. 

Money usually means something to people, and the whole gesture of paying for something is also meaningful to people. The idea that one person should be the one to bare that burden is one of inequality especially in a relationship. Do whatever you feel is right, maybe take turns, it really doesn't matter to me. It's not about equality, it's about paying for something, it's not a big deal don't make it into one. Don't worry about money so much, go for a walk in the park or some shit if you don't want to spend money. 

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What A Relationship Is To Them

Some (but not all) consider a relationship to be all about them. Their wants and needs, as far as they are concerned, take precedence over everything else. They have expectations of the man that they would never even consider reciprocating - in fact, it rarely even occurs to them to consider it. They are less likely to consider the man's feelings, and some convince themselves that men simply don't have feelings. You'll also see some use weird bits of gender bias and double standards as a weapon to get their way.

Note that this isn't for all of them, but some or all of the above isn't uncommon among their young ages 18 - 25. Funny thing, though - the ones that do that will do as much as they can get away with, so if you don't tolerate their bullshit, you won't receive as much of it.

Tips on giving relationship advice

We've all been there..

1. Listen more, Talk less

Never mistake your friend's need to vent as your cue to start doling out wisdom. Sometimes saying things aloud is all a person needs to help themselves. So, be a good friend, open your ears, and keep your mouth shut.

2. Be Cool, Calm, and Collected

When someone comes to you and is hysterical, the last thing they need is for you to be angry, judgmental, or otherwise, in another heightened emotional state. Whether we realize it or not, we feed off of each other's energy. Nothing spells disaster like two hyper-emotional people attempting to have a meaningful conversation. Think of the last time you drunk-dialed an ex. It wasn't pretty was it?

3. No One Wants to Feel Dumb

When someone comes to you for advice, they are usually tip-toeing around the question, "Am I being stupid?". Even if the answer is clearly "yes", you should be just as evasive and refrain from giving such a direct answer. Nobody wants to be told that they are being stupid. Just offer them a chance to view things from another perspective and they'll realize it on their own. Self-realization is so much more lasting and powerful than you chiming in with, "Stop being an idiot, you idiot!"

4. Do Not Hang Their Partner Out to Dry

Watch out for this one. When you bash someone's partner behind their back because you think it will help your friend "see the light", take a wild guess at who won't be invited to the wedding after they get back together? People will always forgive their partners in the end, but they will never forget the hurtful things you said about them when they came running to you for help. Sadly, I don't think you should expect to get a "Thank You" card, even if you were trying to be helpful.

5. Love is Blind

Couples involved in a toxic relationship always get back together because they feel their is something intangible that exists between them that their friends will never understand. Unfortunately, we the friends, are simply trying to show you something that is very tangible and unhealthy that everyone other than you is able to see. When you finally do, it will be like waking up from a bad dream. As a friend, you have to know where to draw the line and when to stop getting involved. "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"

6. Remember, It's Not Your Relationship

When in doubt, don't say anything at all. Sometimes the best way to save your own friendship with someone is to avoid getting involved in the first place. What you have to say may be the God's honest truth, but who appointed you to be God's messenger? Dating advice is one of those things that is great in theory, but in the end, we learn best from our own mistakes.

source: datingish

Be happy about life again

I'm fit and have an average body but I'm still depressed all the time and feel like shit. Every time I see topics on depression all I hear is "go lift weights", "go for a walk in the sun" and a whole load of other useless comment. All I can think about all day is pouring petrol all over myself, handcuffing my arm to the steering wheel of my car, and setting myself on fire, and the best suggestions I can find are "ummm... going for a walk always cheers me up!".

As someone who had suffered from depression for years, I agree that it comes down to mind over matter. Forcing myself to think more positively has helped me make immense improvements in my life. And I really do mean "force", some days it feels like there's a war being fought inside my head.

One small thing I recommend to everyone is to be more thankful for everything in your life, even if it doesn't seem like much. Say it out loud--"I am thankful for [reason for being thankful]". Did you eat today? Say you're thankful that you got to eat when millions of people don't. Did something on the internet makes you laugh? Say you're thankful that something made you laugh. Finished a rough assignment or job or goal? Say you're thankful that it's over.

You know what makes me feel less depressed? My rope. I bought a 3m, 20mm diameter hemp rope; perfect for hanging myself. Every day when I feel like shit, I try to push myself one day more, try to last the week, see how much longer I can take it. Having the rope there means I know I have an exit ready and accessible if I need to use it; sort of like a safety net. So I'll keep pushing through life, trying to make it as far as I can, but I know I can get out any time; I have control over my own life, and there's comfort in that.

I know that sounds crazy and borderline OCD, but after a few days, it will change your perspective and you'll find it easier to think more positively. It will give you a stepping stone towards beating the depression entirely.

Meds fluroxetine known as prozac, causes increase in biogenic amines. Your body won't know the difference between happiness on prozacs and just feeling happy. As you become more happy you can change your life for the positive and eventually kick the meds.

Hipster chicks are god-tier.

I love hipster chicks, but I do not want to dress like a fag in order to get their attention. Fuck it why does accesories matter so much? Why the fuck does everyone have a fetish for pretty much anything? I admit I do like fashion so much that I would take an average looking girl in wayfarers, filled with piercings and tattoos over a great looking girl that dresses normal.

I know that my behavior has a lot to do with it too, I am very shy and somewhat outgoing still I have been called a "subtle hipster" by a lot of people since my tastes are pretty much the same as the ones of your average pot smoking hipster. Even more, I go to a college mainly focused on business programs, so there aren't any hipster chicks in most of my classes. :(

I think I am a pretty good looking guy and better looking than the average hipster guy in my area. I do pretty good with girls once they get to know me however it seems that if I dont dress like one of these guys I'll never get to meet a hipster girl..

But I know that's not how dating would works. One doesn't have to be part of a girl's ridiculous subculture to date them. Trying to change to fit some girl's label is approval-seeking, which is the absolute worst attitude one can have when trying to date girls.




Girl like the one in the picture is example of 100% fashion. I have been told that stereotypical hipster looking girls are just another one obsessed with vanity. They said that guys would think girls like her would have good taste, but she was no different than any other shallow girl. Just subscribing to a different look.

Probably the good hipster chick out there is the one who is just as "subtle" as I am. The actual interesting people are the ones who don't try too hard.