Feeling over the hill lately, I hope that I am not alone.
I need to stop romanticizing myself. A great deal of people lose it in their 20s. It will happen to us
all. The years just kind of sneak up on you. One day you are 19 then you are 25 then you are 30
then you're 35. I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll be 40. What's it like living once in your 30s and still
lonely? I'm feeling miserable enough as it is already in my mid 20s, please, I need someone to tell
me it gets better as I get older.
I always find myself comparing my age to those of people in novels, movies and animes, I'm
always bummed out when they're younger than me cause they have such awesome lives and I have
shit. I guess I'm just more jealous of the fact that they are usually very disciplined and hard
working, they're putting all that youthful energy to good use while I'm sitting around depressed. I
want to be able to look back on my younger days with pride.
I just turned 26 this month. I feel like the window of opportunity closes once you're no longer a
teen. We've passed into the land of desperation. We have only but to endure this. It hasnt
happened before, why now? Why I think I am better with girls now then with 16? Do I think chicks
are easier then when I were 16? Maybe the thing that gets easier is the acceptance of what you
really are. Maybe it helps if I find other things to live for, but the biological imperative never stops
shrieking in the back of my mind.
This is weird for me because I don't feel unsatisfied in my relationship. I may need to evaluate my
relationship (whether it is everything I wanted). If so, it's not worth ruining over a very temporary
high. Imagine roles reversed. I understand that women instinctively go after men who are taken.
As long as the dude are taken, women will hit on him, sometimes. That's just the way it is. You
always want what you can't have unfortunately. I still kind of feel the same about someone who I
met and wasn't interested. But I realized there are just too many awesome people in the world to
spend all your energy on one person. You are very likely idolizing this person and ignoring
whatever negative qualities she had.
I want her to like me for who I am and not who I have to pretend to be. Now if one keep having to
pretend to be someone else, maybe the way he act naturally are just sucks. Instead of pretending
to be different, I am actually be different. But I think the real question is whether one have a
problem with the real him, not so much the girl. And I'd say: No, I have no problems with myself.
A pretty girl by default is a celebrity in society's eyes so she'll get more attention. No one wants to
follow a guy, he needs to earn that by becoming famous or popular. Back to this
emotional turbulence, every single action seems to be some calculated move to try and have
someone love me for who I am. But as I delve further, I become less and less myself until I
explode into a huge rage of frustration. One the other note, cup of warm coffee has a nice thing going on.
