Realized I've been boxed in from all the raining last week so I did a very depressing night of long warm shower, doing all the gay moisturising things even to my face, not a bad way to go to bed. The past week Jakarta suffered from a heavy raining, definitely one of the devastating flood inundate this city.
Today, on Sunday, I am rewatching Rurouni Kenshin (Samurai X) anime after seen the Movie Live-action last Wednesday night though unfinished and finally realized I don't have a lot of friends. I am discontent with that. Got to figure out why I holding back to make new friends in my new office, Bank Mutiara on Treasury Div. I must be doing something wrong but I just don't know what. Maybe I should share this insecurity with somebody that actually know me.
While also trying to figure out how to get over my infatuation with my current girl-friend, SPI, who I cannot exactly cut out of my life. I am really into her and she is sort of into me. But right now I technically haven't got a secure job and couldn't really afford to do anything for her, also she is attending graduate school on weekends and ignoring me most days. She never said that we had each other and I can't tell if she was very happy. I know this sounds like that retarded ass Disney movie, the one with dogs. She's not a bad person, and I really want to like her, because I was excited that we are in relationship again. Besides, she's pretty cute for her age and that makes her attractive. But it's actually a pain because I don't know if I can deal with her personality which sometimes comes out as shallow and unaware.
Meanwhile I want to set up a date on Monday to hang out with a coworker who is potential love interest. Last time I did that was about a year ago with RE which obviously ended in trustless and betrayal(She is a coworker from Ernst & Young Indonesia, public accounting firm. She is from the same division I was, audit for Banking and Financial Services clients). I am feeling like shit because there is this rich popular girl in my new office, which I am trying to think how to approach to. Thing is, thanks to destiny this girl happens to enter with me to the same division, and funnily enough, the same career. My problem is, we are complete opposites. She's confident, pretty, outgoing and has a troop of male friends behind her. She has traveled a lot and lived her life like any rich girl would. On the other hand, there is me: the mid-class self-loathing boy who grew up on video games and never accomplished anything worth shit. :(
Anyway, I'm reading Atlas Shrugged. This book is depressing. The protagonists are are emotionally distant narcissistic cunts, and everybody else is a loudmouthed blatantly stupid cunt. Brevity is a concept lost on Ayn Rand, it seems and she restates her concepts constantly throughout the book. Albeit, the concepts portrayed are simple yet profound, but the amount she needed to say it was saliently unnecessary. Why is this prose so bad? Why is this book so long? Then I realize that I was reading a book about introverts. Welcome to their mindset.
I guess it could be worse. Maybe I'll go get drunk by myself and play Skyrim instead. :)
Just a list of movies I would like to watch this year:
Science of sleep
Guest House Paradiso
Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind
To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything
The Weather Man
Bunny and the Bull
The Horde
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