Better and Improved

Come back when you truly know that frustration. Self-betterment means being better than yourself not other people. But even in a competition, everyone knows they are at a disadvantage in some way. Everyone knows Usain Bolt is the fastest runner in the world, but what about the guy finishing in 2nd or 3rd? Doesn't mean Usain was the only one running because everyone else quit. A shitload of no names ran more than you ever have in your life just to watch some dude get a medal. And those runner-ups are still running.

Now about self-improvement, real self-improvement involves bettering yourself, not your ego. Is your goal to be better than other people or than yourself? If it's the first, join a fucking competition so you can have the numbers to prove it instead of your own ego. If it's the second, then what's the big deal? The only other guy in the ring is you. The only one running on the track is you, not some dude whose ancestors ran their whole lives. Why are you feeling bad for someone else's accomplishments when you've been striving to beat yourself all this time?

The only time you ever lose against yourself is when you throw in the towel. shit's the hardest fight there is, man. Because it never stops. There is no bell ring, no finish line. It's only over when you die.

Perilaku berkendara

Jalanan sehari-hari di Jakarta enggak bikin gw mumet, sama sekali. Kenapa? Yaah secara logis ajah, kredit untuk motor sekarang ini mudah banget, kantor jasa finance kendaraan roda dua udah macem-macem dan cabangnya dimana-mana. Terus juga pemasaran dan iklan untuk motor jenis bebek semakin variatif diberbagai media. Coba nonton tv, setiap jeda iklan pasti ada aja iklan motor nya (sama iklan kartu handpone dan iklan kopi, bongkar bongkar bongkar). 

Buat gw enggak level aja deh ya kalau ngehina motor jenis apa yang paling murahan, alay, norak, dan kampungan. Itu semua kembali ke penghasilan dan rezeki masing-masing pemilik motor. Dirumah gw ada motor juga; yang keperluannya mulai dari nganterin nyokap ke pasar tradisional sampai jemput gebetan, jadi gw ngerasain semuanya. Dari SMA gw punya sahabat yang motornya rakitan sendiri, sampe akhirnya sekarang dia mampu beli motor beneran. So, for me it's narrow down to the attitude of bikers on the road.

Fenomena anak-anak alay.. yaah, namanya juga anak-anak bro, ntar kalau udah celaka juga kapok sendiri mereka. That's how I learned to be careful. Kalau geng motor nah baru tuh kurang ajar, sulit dibedainnya sama ormas-ormas yang lagi kampanye, atau suporter sepak bola yang yel-yel dengan lagu kadang juga cacian, mendadak aja rusuh terus berantakin fasilitas Ibukota.. (pengalaman ngendarain mobil plat B di kota Bandung, pas Persib kalah!) Nanti giliran Pemda mau benerin fasilitas yang dirusak itu dicurigain ada uang yang masuk kantong pribadi.. Hadeuh..

Gw emang enggak usah pusing-pusing kok. Klo gw nemunin pengendara yang kampungan biasanya kalau bisa gw coba ambil jalur lain, maklum bawaan hati pengen keplak kepala orang-orang ini, saking ngeselinnya. Buat gw pengendara motor yang tidak sopan dijalanan itu ciri-ciri diantaranya begini:

1. Bapak-bapak
2. Jaket kulit tua, atau tidak memakai jaket sama sekali.
3. Umur antara 30 - 45 tahun
4. Kulit gelap, sawo matang
5. Kumisan
6. Enggak mau kalah, pas jalanan lagi penuh, ada kesempatan nyalip dikit langsung gas kenceng dan ngepot kanan/kiri sambil pelototin mata pengendara dibelakang yang tinggal lurus aja.
7. Sambil ngerokok
8. Boncengin ibu-ibu yang lebih gendut, jilbaban biasanya
9. Naik motor keluaran tahun '90an
10. Bunyi kenalpotnya yang nyaring
11. Enggak sabaran. Udah tahu lampu masih merah tapi klakson motor yang berhenti di depannya, maksudnya biar motor didepannya minggir, jadi dia bisa nyerobot. Atau lampu lalulintas baru berubah warna jadi hijau beberapa detik gitu, bunyiin klaksonnya udah spartan, padahal dia masih 20 meter jauhnya dari lampu.

Iya beberapa dari mereka itu profesinya Ojek, tapi juga banyak kok Ojek yang masih ngerti sopan santun di jalan meskipun mereka dituntut untuk berpacu dengan kebutuhan si penumpang. Dan sekali lagi gw enggak menghina jenis motor apaan, itu gw cuman nyebut ciri yaah. Juga soal ibu-ibu yang gendut itu, nyokap gw juga lumayan berisi kok.

Tips simpel yang gw terapin kalau keluar ke jalan di Jakarta cuman ini aja: ketika keluar berdoa dulu agar terhindar dari bahaya dan celaka, berangkat lebih awal, lebih santai, nyalip dan kenceng seperlunya sesuai kondisi jalan, patuhin aturan lalu lintas itu melatih kesabaran diri juga ngelatih batin untuk mengkasihani saudara kita yang blo'on dan enggak sayang sama nyawanya.

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Kemarin sore, gw mau jemput nyokap di rumah temennya. Cuaca mau turun hujan, langit mendung. Gw bawa mobil dong karena udah gerimis dan juga ada temen nyokap minta dianterin pulang. Luar jalan gang rumah gw pertigaan, mobil gw dijalur sebelah kiri mau belok ke kanan. Kiri gw kosong, tapi ada motor yang maju dari sebelah kanan jalan itu tapi masih jauh. Gw belokin setir dan mobil santai yaa. Mendadak si motor dari kanan itu nyelip ngebut didepan gw, dan si pengendara motor, bapak itu melototin gw gitu. Gw tau udah mendung dan gerimis, tapi si bapak itu gw lihat dari spion malah makin ngebut setelah melototin gw itu.

What A Relationship Is To Them

Some (but not all) consider a relationship to be all about them. Their wants and needs, as far as they are concerned, take precedence over everything else. They have expectations of the man that they would never even consider reciprocating - in fact, it rarely even occurs to them to consider it. They are less likely to consider the man's feelings, and some convince themselves that men simply don't have feelings. You'll also see some use weird bits of gender bias and double standards as a weapon to get their way.

Note that this isn't for all of them, but some or all of the above isn't uncommon among their young ages 18 - 25. Funny thing, though - the ones that do that will do as much as they can get away with, so if you don't tolerate their bullshit, you won't receive as much of it.

Ignore them

A self-righteous person is not someone whom you should try to impress. The first  week of April already has passed, what I have gained so far in my office? I am willing to give time to projects other than my own but most of my gestures are not commented upon, not even noted. I want to look for direct praise, I have to find a way to point subtly to my extra effort. ..honestly I have been suspecting of those who wish to derail my good intentions, I learned from the last time of my missing performance evaluation.

Nothing is sharp and clearly defined lately, and I am not expecting too much of clarity to arise. Fortunately, I have notice that dealing with ambiguity is something of a specialty of mine.

Emotional upheaval distracting me from a bigger problem. I won't let this drama get in the way of helping her who really needs my help. My partnership with RE is based on give and take. Right now I understand that RE needs to be on the receiving end. I try to let her know that she can count on me, and I am eager to give my love to her freely.

I cannot stop beating myself up. My problem is that I can't be clear about what I want, everything else quite as well. I know that isn't a crime for this inability to decide where I want to go next. This current fuzzy perspective is making trivial issues look like real problems. Making real problems look like simple things.. Maybe if I make trivial tasks my priority things will just work themselves out..

Choose your drugs wisely

For some reason, alcohol makes ugly girls bearable and weed makes ugly girls even worse. Yet alcohol makes pretty girls look the same as ugly girls and weed makes pretty girls even prettier.

Yeah, alcohol for ugly girls and weed for the pretty girls.