Kerjaan dan Keluarga

I recently figured out that why I want to be an accountant. Do you ever get the feeling that you'll never find a job you actually like? I'm almost 26, planning to get a master's degree in a pretty specific field, and I had a very promising career path. So why do I feel like the last several years of school have been a mistake and I should have gone into engineering or some shit where I have to be on the factory floor a lot rather than dealing with fewer people or be at a desk? I just know, though, that if I had gone into engineering I'd be regretting that for some other reason. My guess is that since I was not so talented in school at a young age, I took the path of least resistance and never learned diligence or people skills. So now I'm afraid of hard work and dealing with others, and every method of getting money involves at least one of those.

More guessing than anything else. When I was answering interview questions, I realized two things: 1) I don't actually have a ton of real experience, even though I've studied it a lot but 2) some of it sounds stressful as shit or beyond my capability. Sadly, not only do I hate work, but I have recently discovered that I hate people as well. Shit sucks, yo. I figured that if I was going to be a misanthrope, it would have happened earlier. I've long since given up on that. I'm just trying to cultivate a social life. It doesn't matter how much money I have as long as I can do fun things with people I like. For me, fun things is basically hanging out. Shame I'm an unlikeable piece of shit who can't make new friends, really. I also do not have a dream job, so I am content with it, however. I guess my dream job would be fapping and vidya all day and getting paid a ton of money for it. But that doesn't exist, which I think is the important part.

People in Western civilization have the luxury of not having to be super decisive. If they end up fucking hating the job, feel free to go back to school. They can always go back to school. Everyone hates their job. Luckily there's group therapy for it. They meet at the bar everyday after 5 o'clock- I think George Carlin said that. :)

Am I an asshole for not wanting anything to do with my family? Am I selfish because I want to do what I want? If this has to depend on my culture, I am Asian so my family is really tightly-woven and perfectly fine. We are there for each other at the drop of a hat, and I don't even like most of them, but that's just how it functions. I hardly talk to any of them even when we are living under the same roof. I am grateful that they are willing to support me, but I want to leave them and live by myself. I'm sure I'll be fine once I move out.

My parents like assuming things about me and bringing up things like "I bought you this guitar for $300 5 years ago" to try and guilt me to do things. And my mother is always complaining about how I am "autistic" and have no friends and social life. I'm want to be upfront with them. I just want to tell them straight up, if they want something, just ask. And if I can't then I can't. Favors aren't obligatory. My family is really condescending, I rarely see them but when I do they talk down to me because I'm not making as much money as I "could" be. Yeah it's like all they care is how much money I'm going to make after I graduate.

2013 Is About Trying To Figure Out Some Things.

May as well get it out of my chest since I never come here after the beginning of the year. And to introduce myself again: I am a well educated mid 20s clean cut guy who has never been in any kind of trouble prior to this. I am supposed to be writing a research letter for Fixed Income Obligations but I spent my Saturday night playing PS3 Naruto Generation's survival mode. I just cant stop procrastinating. :) My suggestion to myself: "Why not commit a month of my time to learn something new each week. Like spend my free time learning or doing something for a week. Eventually, I will find something I really enjoy. Then I can go from there." Hmph, I should actually try this..

Bundaran Hotel Indonesia, the iconic center of Jakarta is covered by mud colored flood.

Realized I've been boxed in from all the raining last week so I did a very depressing night of long warm shower, doing all the gay moisturising things even to my face, not a bad way to go to bed. The past week Jakarta suffered from a heavy raining, definitely one of the devastating flood inundate this city.

Today, on Sunday, I am rewatching Rurouni Kenshin (Samurai X) anime after seen the Movie Live-action last Wednesday night though unfinished and finally realized I don't have a lot of friends. I am discontent with that. Got to figure out why I holding back to make new friends in my new office, Bank Mutiara on Treasury Div. I must be doing something wrong but I just don't know what. Maybe I should share this insecurity with somebody that actually know me.

While also trying to figure out how to get over my infatuation with my current girl-friend, SPI, who I cannot exactly cut out of my life. I am really into her and she is sort of into me. But right now I technically haven't got a secure job and couldn't really afford to do anything for her, also she is attending graduate school on weekends and ignoring me most days. She never said that we had each other and I can't tell if she was very happy. I know this sounds like that retarded ass Disney movie, the one with dogs. She's not a bad person, and I really want to like her, because I was excited that we are in relationship again. Besides, she's pretty cute for her age and that makes her attractive. But it's actually a pain because I don't know if I can deal with her personality which sometimes comes out as shallow and unaware.

Meanwhile I want to set up a date on Monday to hang out with a coworker who is potential love interest. Last time I did that was about a year ago with RE which obviously ended in trustless and betrayal(She is a coworker from Ernst & Young Indonesia, public accounting firm. She is from the same division I was, audit for Banking and Financial Services clients). I am feeling like shit because there is this rich popular girl in my new office, which I am trying to think how to approach to. Thing is, thanks to destiny this girl happens to enter with me to the same division, and funnily enough, the same career. My problem is, we are complete opposites. She's confident, pretty, outgoing and has a troop of male friends behind her. She has traveled a lot and lived her life like any rich girl would. On the other hand, there is me: the mid-class self-loathing boy who grew up on video games and never accomplished anything worth shit. :(

Anyway, I'm reading Atlas Shrugged. This book is depressing. The protagonists are are emotionally distant narcissistic cunts, and everybody else is a loudmouthed blatantly stupid cunt. Brevity is a concept lost on Ayn Rand, it seems and she restates her concepts constantly throughout the book. Albeit, the concepts portrayed are simple yet profound, but the amount she needed to say it was saliently unnecessary. Why is this prose so bad? Why is this book so long? Then I realize that I was reading a book about introverts. Welcome to their mindset.

I guess it could be worse. Maybe I'll go get drunk by myself and play Skyrim instead. :)

Just a list of movies I would like to watch this year:
Science of sleep
Guest House Paradiso
Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind
To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything
The Weather Man
Bunny and the Bull
The Horde