Wednesday, June 17

Stop worrying

I try to make friends first. I've been told women appreciate that more. I'm now starting to realize that this was a giant lie. Some men find really amazing girlfriends with whom they have fulfilling relationships. What qualities do those men have? There's a difference between growing up and changing yourself to please others.

Some things are just not visible by just looking at them. There are guys out there who are hopeless in almost every possible way who just happen to have a girlfriend. There is something about their approach or how they live that puts them on the "yes" list. It's not always obvious above things like gold diggers and conventionally handsome people.

I'm thinking more of strategies and ways to work towards relationships other than pumping weights at the gym or changing your entire personality. People want the opposite sexes to want them, not some guise that they put on. A lot of people (both skinny and fat, tall and short) seem to somehow get away with finding someone special. It's as if some major character flaw is hiding under our noses.

You are not your id. If you want girlfriend material, then you need to become boyfriend material. This may require some small changes, or even some big ones, but you will still be you. There is no need for disguises (indeed, disguises work against you in the end). But you do need to be willing to make some accommodations for the people around you.

Stop worrying so much about getting a girlfriend, it'll happen when it happens. That's not to say don't try, but don't be desperate either. There's getting your shit together, and then there's making everything you do a performance. I don't mean this in a "I'm perfect the way I am", but to make having a significant other means you're validated in the fact that someone likes you; working your ass off just for the attention of another human being is somewhat unrewarding and way too much work.

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