Trying to do better than the day before

Music is definitely a driving force. Everyone definitely needs to find something like it. It's a good, simple life I live. Wake up, play music and watch TV until the show that night. I just wish that more people could respect me for what I do, instead of seeing it as me "doing the easy road".

Most people think it was easy to get where I am, but it was a long hard road. I spend hours writing, months a year studying. It is just a different kind of job, and no one respects it.That's the thing, the only thing I'm looking forward to is perfecting myself and not caring about my ex. I guess it branches out to getting more into parkour, getting stronger, becoming independent, no more anxiety, getting shit faced with a good friend from highschool days and maybe one day finding someone I could love, like, care about. As of late I just  can't put effort into other people, whenever I think about doing anything intimate it makes me feel sick to my stomach, I guess I just need to get better. Like I think being intimate with someone else would help my butt sadness in regards to my ex, but I think I'd vomit on the girl.

Yeah... I remember for the longest time, the idea of being with someone else made me feel physically sick. I promise it does get easier though, but I'm not going to lie, it almost killed me. But after 5 months I think I'm almost ready to move on. I mean that would mean being with a girl, which is a laugh in itself considering that I'd be the only consenting party, but whatever. It can get better with time. Being outgoing, for some people, is all about the first step. That may not be applicable to me, but usually the thought of something is a lot more daunting than the actual activity itself. Then again, sometimes it isn't.
 
Uncomfortable truth:

1. Realize most people only use friends until their career and marital relationship are in place. they then ditch their old friends and make friends with other married people.
2. Women in their 20's only have so long before their market value plummets, so most just go for what they can. I'd suggest setting up a bunch of rules of behavior that you will and will not accept from a female. If you're attractive, you will need to set this up or you'll end up settling for less than 1st place.

I think about how disappointing it is that I don't have time to work on any of my personal projects anymore. Fucking work. I think that would be awesome to have that sort of passion for something. Some drive and desire to get good at something. Another language, reading, art, music. Fuck I wish I was interesting.

When you wake up, the start of your day, what do you think about?
What are you looking forward to? What keeps you going?