I feel like something went awry with my life. My life has not yet begun. I am spending overtime inside of my mother's belly. It's not that bad. I successfully obtained a life that people would be jealous of. But something is missing. Is this really it? There's got to be some more meaningful life out there... More rose-colored, more sparkling. There might have been some after college life with not a single dark cloud that would have satisfied me!
I got to where I am by believing in my own potential. I am not sure I am saying it right.. but why does my heart feel so cold? Maybe there's a choice I should have made that would have led to some other possibility? Maybe the choices I made in my first year were wrong? I know I cannot use the word "possibility" without limitations. Can I become a pilot? Can I become a famous singer, or a superhero who saves the world with my powers?
Perhaps I could. But if I keep focusing my gaze on that which is unrealistic, I never will. The root of all my evil is in always relying on one of my other possibilities to get my wish. I must accept that I am the person here, now, and I cannot become anyone else other than that person. There is no way that I can lead some worthwhile life and feel satisfied.
Everything I had done had all been meaningless, but I had thought that it was the same for Mona. However, Mona had enjoyed her meaningless after college life to her heart's content, she had a boyfriend, and was even a fool in love! Was I the only one who wasted her life? Immediately after I was born, I was the incarnation of innocence. Loved as much as baby Moses was by Queen Hatshepsut. With not a hint of a wicked thought, it was said my smile would illuminate the countryside around my hometown with the light of love. And what of me now? Is this how I plan to settle my accounts, as I am? Where is the one responsible? If it will always turn out like this, then I should do nothing at all! It would be best not to set foot outside of my mother's womb!
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