False dichotomy.

So much easier to stay inside, there's no barriers to put up, no facade and I'm always at ease.

I hate talking to people. They just tell me their problems and instead of having fun, I just suffer from complete boredom talking to that person. I don't like talking to people, it drains me, but I'm able to do it adequately nonetheless. So yeah, I'm not interested in other people, most of the time anyway. Though that doesn't mean my dick doesn't get hard when I see a pretty girl. I have no friends to introduce me to other friends, there's no foot in between the door. What am I to do other than walk up to a random person and ask if he or she wants to be my friend because I have none? Maybe I just haven't met interesting people to like, being with some ...human beings.

I get sad.. then I go whine to people on the internet. I do the daydreaming social interaction thing too. I have complex conversations in my head with friends existant or non existant. Once in a while I go to a girl friends house and hope for some contact in the form of holding hands or cuddling.. Or just hold pillow very tight.

I mostly focus on other things rather than worrying about having someone. Music, Blogging, Video games, Online games and some Online friends. It's almost enough right now, but not sure how long I can keep it up till I go into a mental break down again.

In this case, a broken heart sometimes preferable. If I can have relationships, it's proof that I'm human. Right now, I see myself as subhuman because nothing I ever do draws people to me. I get pushed away everywhere, I don't have any skills, I'm ugly, I don't make connections. I'd trade that for a relationship even if it doesn't last. By no means am I incapable of being social though. People may think that I'm a very kind and friendly person, but the main problem I keep facing is that I can't relate to other people. I just can't. It's always like I'm making a chat with an old lady, after a minute or so you'll be like, 'well, I've got to be going now...', and I have this with everyone I meet!

It's a fucking human nature: You always want what you currently dont have! Why do you consider it important? It's just animal instinct anyways. Now, what I want to do is to let out my animal side in other ways. Just whatever it feels like doing.